My Brother Is Dead

My brother J is dead.

He took his own life two weeks ago.

Inexplicably, his daughters chose not to tell any of the rest of our family until a few hours ago.

I have been estranged from my brother for many years. He was a chronic liar and could be incredibly cruel to anyone—including family—he believed had crossed him.

Still, he was my brother, and I have spent a nearly sleepless night, haunted by memories of our carefree and innocent boyhood together.

What happened? How did the little boy who adored me, and even said as much in a letter he wrote to me last year, turn into such a bitter, spiteful person?

Two months ago I discovered that he had committed identity theft against me by opening a credit card in my name and using it. Still, I cherished the hope that one day—maybe 10 or 20 years from now—he and I would be reconciled.

Now that will never happen.

My brother J is dead.

Posted on October 7, 2009, in death, family, relationships, suicide. Bookmark the permalink. 31 Comments.

  1. i am so sorry. my condolences.

  2. My condolences. – May your brother’s soul fly to redemption, and may you find comfort, hope and strength in the belief that you *will* be united again in harmony… on the other side. – God bless.

  3. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  4. Oh. I am so so sorry.

  5. I am so sorry for your loss and the lack of closure for you is awful.

  6. peace-may it come to you

  7. I hold you in my prayers – and your brother. I hope you find peace in this. And find a way to put this aside.

    I am so sorry for you!!

  8. Oh, my. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so very, very sorry for your loss.

  9. I wish you peace.

    Never say never. I believe that the Boundless Energy gives us opportunities to make right what we left undone here. You’ll get your chance, I just know it.

    Hold still and feel my love coming at you…..

  10. Oh, no. I am so sorry for your loss.

  11. Kepping you in my prayers…sorry to hear of your loss!

  12. I am incredibly sorry for your loss.

  13. I am so, so sorry–both for your brother’s death and the estrangement that preceded it.

  14. I am sorry for you to have heard such news. Unfortunatly, such are the knuckleballs that life throws at us….some we hit, some we miss. I hope that you can remember your brother for the person that he once was; I don’t think negative thoughts provide much soltice.

    As someone once said, “to err is human, to forgive, divine.”

    If I may suggest it, hold your own private memorial service for your brother.

  15. Oh my–family estrangement is a sad thing indeed.
    I will be thinking of you and praying for comfort for you. And for other members of your brother’s family.

  16. My heart aches for you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

  17. I am so sorry to read about his death and your estrangement from him. My prayers go out to you and your family.
    I came by today to thank you once again for leaving a wonderful Haiku comment for me (on the photo of my daughter as a toddler).
    Thanks for visiting me.

  18. Dearest MMT,

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. The loss of your brother and the loss of the possibility to rebuild your relationship. I remember you wrote about him last year, and the troubles you had with him back then. I hope you don’t blame yourself for the relationship you had, because you really did your best. May you be comforted by the ones dear to you.

    All the best,

  19. (((Hugs))) Sorry to hear of your loss.

  20. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. My extended family is ging through this as well — and I wish I had more to say to them, as I wish I could for you. You are in my thoughts.

  21. So sorry. I wish you peace.

  22. I am sorry to hear of your loss. I hope your heart now finds peace and no more sleepless nights when you think of your childhood with your brother.

  23. Oh no! I’m so sorry! 😦 Your real brother was the one you remember from childhood, not the one the world make him. Remember that brother and you are honoring him!

  24. Hold the beauty of your brother close to you and his tortured shadows will fall away! Then both of you will know peace and closure!


  25. I’m terribly sorry. I know you are in a challenging place especially with things you feel were not resolved. Perhaps, in death, comes resolution. Your brother sounded ill and sick; he is surely in a better place. I lost a brother and a mother, so do know, when I say I’m sorry and know how you feel…I sincerely do.

    Be well and be strong. Strength comes in tears so let them flow.

  26. How awful for you. It seems you have had many losses in your young life. Losses in loving family relationships, deaths in your family, and disappointments. I don’t know you, but I extend my prayers for you and wish I could help lift your burdens.

    Remember the one who will NEVER leave you or forsake you. Not just some “God” out there, or some “source”, but a real, life changing person who wants to comfort and embrace you. He has shielded, comforted, healed, and lifted me over and over. Think about Him. Think about Jesus.

  27. I am sorry to hear about your loss, truly. Your post reminds me about my own brother who, while not estranged entirely, has chosen to go down an unhealthy path, and I often think about our time growing up and how we used to be so innocent.

    Be well.

  28. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  29. Have just discovered where you are only to learn of your brother’s death. I am so sorry. I had missed your visits and your haikus.
    In the meantime, my own world was turned a little upside down, only a little by comparison, so that I had to start a new blog. So, here I am!

  30. MMT…I’m so sorry for your loss. I totally understand how you could have a hole in your heart even though y’all haven’t been close for years. Blood is blood. Kin are kin. Sending positive vibes your way…

  31. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Hang in there and sending ya hugs.

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